THE DON'Ts OF ACADEMIC ADVISING

1. TALKING TOO MUCH.  You can't listen while you are talking.

2. NOT EMPATHIZING WITH THE OTHER PERSON.  Try to put yourself in his/her place so that you can see what s/he is trying to get at.

3. NOT ASKING QUESTIONS.  When you don't understand, when you need further clarification, when you want him/her to like you, when you want to show that you are listening.  But don't ask questions that will embarrass him/her or show him/her up.

4. GIVING UP TOO SOON.  Don't interrupt the other person; give him/her time to say what s/he has to say.

5. NOT CONCENTRATING ON WHAT S/HE IS SAYING.  Actively focus your attention on his/her words, ideas, and feelings related to the subject.

6. NOT LOOKING AT THE OTHER PERSON.  His/her face, mouth, eyes, hands, will all help him/her to communicate with you.  They will help you concentrate, too.  Make him/her feel that you are listening.

7. SMILING AND GRUNTING INAPPROPRIATELY.  Don't overdo it.

8. SHOWING YOUR EMOTIONS.  Try to push your worries, your fears, your problems outside the meeting room.  They may prevent you from listening well.

9. NOT CONTROLLING YOUR ANGER.  Try not to get angry at what s/he is saying; your anger may prevent you from understanding his/her words or meaning.

10. USING DISTRACTIONS.  Put down any papers, pencils, etc. you may have in your hands; they may distract your attention.

11. MISSING THE MAIN POINTS.  Concentrate on the main ideas and not the illustrative material; examples, stories, statistics, etc. are important but are usually not the main points.  Examine them only to see if they prove, support and define the main ideas.

12. REACTING TO THE PERSON.  Don't let your reactions to the person influence your interpretation of what s/he says.  His/her ideas may be good even if you don't like him/her as a person or the way s/he looks.

13. NOT SHARING RESPONSIBILITY FOR COMMUNICATION.  Only part of the responsibility rests with the speaker; you as the listener have an important part.  Try to understand.  If you don't, ask for clarification.

14. ARGUING MENTALLY.  When you are trying to understand the other person, it is a handicap to argue with him/her mentally as s/he is speaking.  This sets up a barrier between you and the speaker.

15. NOT USING THE DIFFERENCE IN RATE.  You can listen faster than s/he can talk.  Use this rate difference to your advantage by trying to stay on the right track, anticipating what s/he is going to say, thinking back over what s/he has said, evaluating his/her development, etc.  Rate difference:  Speech rate is about 100 to 150 words per minute; think rate is about 250 to 500 words per minute.

16. NOT LISTENING FOR WHAT IS NOT SAID.  Sometimes you can learn just as much by determining what the other person leaves out or avoids in his/her talking as you can be listening to what s/he says.

17. NOT LISTENING TO HOW SOMETHING IS SAID.  We frequently concentrate so hard on what is said that we miss the importance of the emotional reactions and attitudes related to what is said.  A person's attitude and emotional reactions may be more important than what s/he says in so many words.

18. ANTAGONIZING THE SPEAKER.  You may cause the other person to conceal his/her ideas, emotions, and attitudes by antagonizing him/her in any of a number of ways:  Arguing, criticizing, taking notes, not taking notes, asking questions, not asking questions, etc.  Try to judge and be aware of the effect you are having on the other person.  Adapt to him/her.  Ask for feedback on your behavior.

19. NOT LISTENING FOR THE STUDENT'S PERSONALITY.  One of the best ways to find out information about a person is to listen to him/her talk.  As s/he talks, you can begin to find out what s/he likes and dislikes, what his/her motivations are, what his/her value system is, what s/he thinks about everything and anything that makes him/her tick.

20. JUMPING TO ASSUMPTIONS.  They can get you into trouble in trying to understand the other person.  Don't assume that s/he uses words in the same way you do; that s/he didn't say what s/he meant; that s/he is avoiding looking you in the eyes because s/he is telling a lie; that s/he is trying to embarrass you by looking you in the eye; that s/he is distorting the truth because what s/he says doesn't agree with what you think; that s/he is lying because s/he has interpreted the facts differently from you; that s/he is unethical because s/he is trying to win you over to his/her point of view; that s/he is angry because s/he is enthusiastic in presenting his/her views.  Assumptions like these may turn out to be true, but more often they just get in the way of your understanding.

21. CLASSIFYING THE SPEAKER.  It has some value, but beware.  Too frequently we classify a person as one type of person and then try to fit everything s/he says into what makes sense coming from that type of person.  S/he is a Republican.  Therefore, our perceptions of what s/he says or means are all shaded by whether we like or dislike Republicans.  At times it helps us to understand people to know their position, their religious beliefs, their jobs, etc., but people have the trait of being unpredictable and not fitting into their classifications.

22. MAKING HASTY JUDGMENTS.  Wait until all the facts are in before making any judgments.

23. NOT ALLOWING RECOGNITION OF YOUR OWN PREJUDICE.  Try to be aware of your own feelings toward the speaker, the subject, the occasion, etc. and allow for these prejudgments.

24. NOT IDENTIFYING TYPE OF REASONS.  Frequently it is difficult to sort out good and faulty reasoning when you are listening.  Nevertheless, it is so important to a job that a listener should lend every effort to learn to spot faulty reasoning when s/he hears it.

25. NOT EVALUATING FACTS AND EVIDENCE.  As you listen, try to identify not only the significance of the facts and evidence, but also their relatedness to the argument (Crockett, 1988, pp. 315-316).